I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
