We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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