Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
