well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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