three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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