just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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