Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
