I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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