please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
