There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
