things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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