I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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