Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
