And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
