I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
