Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
