I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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