Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
