i need an iv and a liver transplant
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
