Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
