I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
