..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
