finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
