I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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