Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
