Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
