I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
