Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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