So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
