is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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