we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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