If that was your dad, he is hot
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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