No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
