i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
