is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
