Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
