my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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