Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
