Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
