Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
