id be glad to
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
