i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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