What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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