I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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