why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
