my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
