Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
