Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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