its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
