The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
